At the end of that school year, the weather turned very warm. My teacher, Miss Bohl, was having trouble keeping our attention on our schoolwork. One day, to break the monotony, she gave each of us the opportunity to stand up in front of the class and perform a song. Kids got up and sang songs that we learned in school like "Animal Fair" and "Shoo Fly". I got up and sang "Fool on the Hill" by the Beatles. I'll never forget the surprised look on my teacher's face.
On that day, I felt like the Beatles' music was the most wonderful thing you could ever perform. I still feel that way today. I have been a Beatles fan for as long as I can remember. I was born shortly before they made their US television debut on the Ed Sullivan show. I had sisters who were 10, 14 and 15 at the time, so I grew up listening to their music. It was something that I loved so much that I wanted to share it with the class.
I received a mixed reaction that day in kindergarten. My teacher smiled and told me that it was a very good performance. One of the boys told me that I was dumb, it was a dumb song, and I sang it in a dumb way (he got sent to the corner for that.) One girl who was a friend of mine praised my choice of song and told me that she wished she would've sung it. Overall, I was pleased with my performance. And, if I could choose one moment in my life that I would like to see on video, that would be the moment. To see myself as a little girl with black hair in pigtails wearing a blue jumper dress and white knee socks singing the words "Day after day, alone on a hill . . ." with my head held high would be priceless.
My writing is like that Beatle song that I sang almost 40 years ago. I just put myself into it and put it out there for anyone who cares to read it. I want to share what I love and care about. No doubt, I have my share of readers who are slightly surprised at some things like my teacher was at my choice of song. I would imagine there are some who think I'm terribly dumb like the boy in my kindergarten class. (If only there was a corner in which to put negative people where they could hopefully find a better attitude. Well, that would make the world a much better place if you ask me.) And I know there are readers who will encourage me as my friend did the day I warbled out "Fool on the Hill". God bless them. No matter what the reaction to my writing, I always take it in stride.
So, imagine my surprise when I've started to doubt my ability as a writer lately. Does anyone get what I'm saying? Does anyone really care? Do I write for myself, or do I really want to reach out to people and make them think? Then, I thought about John Lennon and Paul McCartney. Do you think they ever worried that no one would "get" their songs? Did they really care? I think they put their hearts and souls and minds into their work and they sang their songs for anyone who would listen. Some songs were hits. Some never got radio airplay. But they wrote and sang them all.
And there was my six-year-old self who thought so much of their music that I tried to make it my own and share it with others. I sang it loud and sang it proud to mixed reaction.
But at least I took that chance and sang that song.
"I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in and stops my mind from wandering where it will go." Lyrics from "Fixing a Hole" by Lennon/McCartney